More and more difficult.

I go and see my MIL it seems like every other day and when I do get to see her there is such a dramatic change. She is so so skinny and that beautiful face of hers is fading. It is getting more and more difficult for her to breath and her pulse is very fast. As if she just got done running a 5k. When an individual is starting to pass, their body slowly shuts down but the heart beats harder and faster to try to jump start those other sluggish or ceased organs. Her tiny body shakes with each beat of her strong heart.

Hospice was in to see her yesterday. A nurse in the early afternoon and the boss of the establishment in the mid-afternoon. Both are very please with how nice everything is for my MIL. The house is kept dim and there is soft music playing in the back ground. The family limits the amount of people in the house so everything remains calm and quiet. The nurses felt it is the perfect environment for someone to feel at peace and leave this world. Again, the nurses feel that my MIL could have gone last night, today, or even tonight. She is still beating the odds and Josh and I feel that she is so damn stubborn. She still finds the need to prove people wrong even when she is in the process of leaving this world.

My MIL has proven me wrong several times with all of this. I try to analyze things with looking at the weather, looking at the numbers, or even how I feel when I am around her. Last night as I sat with her I was getting confused. Her breathing goes from regular but labored to very shallow and spaced out (stopping). I thought it was going to be last night then things would change and I would say to myself that this woman is fighting so much that she might have at least another day in her. I've looked at the dates. 22 is a nice even double number. Then 23 was even better because 2+3=6 plus the 3 from the month makes it 9 and the year is 09...99. Yesterday was such a beautiful day with clear sunny skies that followed a bright sunrise. It is supposed to rain coming up this week so I thought maybe she would go on a sunny day and the next day the rain would show that she is crying and happy. I know I'm strange with all of this but this is how my brain works. Goes about a mile a minute with all of this. Bouncing from topic to topic like a DVD that has been scratched and skips over parts of the movie.

Today is going to be another standby day. I do have to go to the bank and go to the Blind Association to take some more photos for my sale. Thank goodness for cell phones so if something happened I can still be contacted. We all continue to pray that God will chose today that he takes her into his kingdom.