Each day it is getting more and more difficult for my MIL to hang on. Hospice made two trips to her house yesterday to check on things. She really has them shocked. They didn't think that she was still going to be here. Here it is Tuesday and she is still beating the odds. Something she has done her whole entire life!
The 'wishes' are starting to surface now. Not so much with Josh but with me. They are sort of like the 'ifs', but the 'wishes' are things I would love to call her and tell her about. Last night was the beginning of the consignment sale here in Butler for anything and everything for children. Everything is very clean and gently used. I spent $68.00 and got 21 items. Lots of cute dresses for the peanut and cool man t's for Brycen. I just so wanted to call my MIL and tell her of the great deals I got for the kids. She would get excited about that and go to the sale when she had time and buy a few things that she liked for the kids. I tried to hold back my emotions but more of the 'wishes' started to surface. My MIL used to say some really annoying phrases that would drive me nuts and I would immitate her to my husband and we would have a chuckle. I told Josh that even though those phrases were annoying I wish I could hear them again. The inflection of her voice when she was excited and to hear just one more time how proud she was of me. She was one of my biggest supporters behind Josh. My MIL would often find the perfect time to remind me how good of a mom I am to my kids and how proud she is of me. With all of these particular 'wishes' coming out last night, the tears streamed down my face like someone turning on the facet. I couldn't get it to stop. These are just a few of the 'wishes' that I am starting to have and I am sure many many more are going to come.
I know someday I will be able to hear those annoying phrases, hear those kind words, feel those warm hugs, and see that gentle smile that just lit up her whole face. Until that day, I will always treasure what a wonderful woman I had as my MIL.
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Cassie,
ReplyDeleteReading this made me think.You don't relize what you have til it's almost gone.But she willl be w/you in spirit.Cassie you are also a strong person.You'll get though it.But I don't think it will be easy.If you need anything let me know.You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Amie
oh cassie...hang on...elaine is trying to hang on for you, she doesn't want to leave you! it will be so hard to be without her, but she'll love knowing that you'll remember her as she was at her best--vibrant, loving, caring, and supportive. a best friend and a wonderful grandmother. i hope you can all find some peace soon!
ReplyDeletelots of love, katie
Amie you are exactly right. You never know what you had until it is almost gone or completely gone. Thank you so much Amie for everything you have done for us. Josh and I are lucky to have a good friend like you. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteKatie you are right too. She doesn't want to leave those people that she loves behind. She still wants to help them even though her body is helpless. We all are tired, stressed, and continue to pray that she will find peace soon and go with God. We just want to start to heal from this. Much love to you too! *hugs*