A Tribute!

My MIL's viewing started Saturday night. The kids were watched by my aunt which made it easier so they could be put to bed. JL's niece got married that day so it was extra difficult on him. It was nice that JL's brother didn't attend the wedding reception so that he could be with JL. My MIL was laid out in the largest room in the funeral home and there was spurts of people that came to pay there respects. The line reached the whole length of the viewing room.

Her casket was a copper color with copper handles. Everything looked beautiful with the red roses and baby's breath the family pieces were in. Two large irns, a lid spray from JL and a foot spray from Josh and I. Arianna and Brycen had a simple two rose panel spray inside the casket. My MIL looked very beautiful in her red plaid blazer with multiple earth tones. Black beaded earrings accented her ears with a matching necklace laid across her chest. She looked really good.

Josh and I attended church at 8 am Sunday morning with the kids. All was good but the little peanut was being a pain in the bum. Such a squirmer! After church we went to the funeral home so that the kids could see their grandma. Things went much better than I thought they would have. Josh carried Arianna and I had Brycen's little hand as we approached the casket. We knelt next to the casket and Brycen was ok. I placed his hand on grandma's arm and we talked to grandma. Told her about his new Cookie Monster shoes and about him peeing in the potty. I told him that grandma is with Jesus in Heaven and he said that she was "sleeping". He gave her a few kisses on her forehead and told her that he loved her. Arianna was more interested in the lining of the casket so the view of her grandma didn't really phase her. As we walked out of the room I stopped half way and I said to Brycen, " how about we blow kisses to grandma" , so we did. I told him to say "love you grandma" and he did in a soft voice. I said, "Brycen say love you grandma a little louder", and that sweet voice got a little louder. Then I said, "Brycen say love you grandma louder so she can hear you", and we both said it even louder. We turned around and walked out the room. It was one of the sweetest things I have witnessed!

Sunday's viewings were 2-4 pm and 7-9 pm. The first viewing was the busiest! A constant line that went on way past the viewing room. Josh's cousin went out to the hall to take a peek of the line and it zig zagged all through each of the viewing rooms in the funeral home and made it's way outside to the sidewalk. The first I heard was that someone was in line for 50 minutes and it slowly increased to a little over a hour and a half in line. So many hugs and hand shakes were received by all even JL's family who formed their own receiving line on the other side of the room opposite my MIL's family.

After the viewing everyone met up at my MIL's sister's home. The house was packed with so many people and there was a great feast. Food was sent by so many generous people who wanted to do something for the family during this difficult time. Everyone sat around had a drink or two and chatted with one another until it was time to head back to the funeral home.

The evening viewing wasn't as busy as the earlier one but many of us wished it was. There was a little down time in between people but not much. The line was constant from the back of the room. The down time gave us too much time to think and look around. Emotions were being to show on our tired faces.

With the amount of lines that were written on in the sign in book along with the fact that many of those came in couples or in families we estimated that more than 500 people visited this wonderful woman. She touched so many lives. So many kind words were said to everyone about this woman. One lady said that my MIL was one of the best counselors in Western Pennsylvania. Another said that Elaine (MIL) helped her through some of her darkest times and made her want to live after suffering a brain aneurysm. There was people there who were friends of JL's who knew and some didn't know Elaine but they wanted to finally meet this woman and to support their friend. Elaine was very active in the community and so many of those people that she helped or worked with were in attendance. It was just amazing the vast number of people who wanted to see their friend just one more time.

Monday was the most difficult day for all of us who loved and cared for my MIL. My mom sat with the kids so that they could sleep in. Josh and I got to the funeral home about 8:15 am and stood in the hallway with our family and JL's family. When it was time to go into the viewing room Josh and I lead everyone into the room. We approached the casket and I held her hand. I just couldn't hold my emotions in any more. Tears streamed down my face as I looked at this beautiful woman who had more compassion and strength than anyone I have ever met. I placed two wallet sized photos of Arianna and Brycen in her hand so that she will always have them with her. Josh and I kissed her forehead and then sat down. The family started to pay their respects in pairs placing a photo of her and her siblings and even a card inside the casket. When no one was going up to the casket Josh and I went back up. We just couldn't get enough and had to be close to her again. More kisses were given and we retreated back to our seats. Then it was time when the funeral director came in and told us that now was the time to pay our last respects to this wonderful woman. Garth Brooks song "The Dance" was playing and everyone's tears started to fall as they walked up to the casket. Josh and I let everyone else go before us so that we were towards the end of the line. Then it was our turn. Our turn to take in the beauty of this woman one last time. The last time to lay our eyes on this person until we meet again many many years from now in Heaven. It was so very hard. I wrapped my arm around her waist as Josh held her hand as he did when she took her last breath. I didn't want to leave her go! We both told her that we loved her and gave her one last kiss again. I touched her face one last time and we walked out of the room. JL was the last one to be with her.

We all made it to our cars and the limo. Two of Josh's aunts who helped take care of Elaine, JL and his parents and Josh and I were in the limo. Paul bearers were some of Elaine's nephews, a brother in law, JL's brother in law, and JL's oldest son. The procession went only two blocks up the street to St. Paul's Roman Catholic Church. A church that Elaine was a life member of and a place that gave her strength.

The church was packed! There was more people in attendance than there is at 8 am mass and there are quite a bit who attend then. Everything was beautiful! The songs, the readings, and the Eulogy given by Elaine's sister and best friend. Father H. gave a wonderful annalogy of Elaine. He told us a story about a young man being asked if he knew who a Saint was and he said those people in church who the sun shines through. Meaning the paintings on the stained glass windows. Father said that Elaine was a living Saint with the way she lived her life and that her life was like the stained glass. Shined all sorts of colors and that it did!

The procession from the church to the cemetery was the whole way down North Main Street hill. Just kept going! The ceremony was performed in the mausoleum instead of grave side. When we got out of the limo the wind picked up and many birds flew in unison right over us. It was such a beautiful sight! Josh and I along with JL and her one sister were the closest to the casket and everyone packed into this tiny room. A beautiful song was being played as we all entered the room. Many of us placed our hands on the casket as Father said some final words. Then it was time for us to leave. Leave this wonderful woman behind! I kissed the top of the casket and embraced Josh. Everyone was crying and holding tight to one another. I could see how hard this was on Josh. Tears were rolling down his face even though he was trying hard to hold them back. We received two of the red roses that were a part of the family pieces and I will press them in a book for the kids when they get older.

Once we all got to our cars we rushed home to pick up Arianna and Brycen. My mom had them all dressed up and ready to go to the luncheon. There was about 100 people for the luncheon and everyone was eager to see the kids.

This whole weekend was very overwhelming for Josh and I. Every part of Elaine's death was sad yet beautiful. Just over the top beautiful! From the moments in her home after she passed, to the fact that she had her son by her side to the amount of flowers and food that came in, to the amount of people who showed up to cast their eyes one more time on this beautiful woman's face. She touch our lives and this weekend showed she touched so many many more than we could ever have imagined! This weekend was a wonderful tribute to such a loving, caring, and thoughtful woman!

Until we meet again Elaine watch and protect my family, especially Arianna and Brycen! We love you very much!

Time to be strong.

The funeral viewing for my MIL starts tonight. I have friends from two of the local florists and they have a lot of floral work for her. She was a very well liked woman. The generosity of our friends, family and neighbors is so nice during this difficult time.

I have everyone's outfits all pressed and ready to go while I drank a half of a glass of Port. A strong drink but hit the spot. We have decided that we will go to church tomorrow morning at 8 am and then go to the funeral home to take the kids to see their grandma. That way we won't have to worry about them during the public viewing. By doing this we will be able to take our time and teach them what they see even though I feel they already know she isn't with us any more.

I need to get going here but I felt the need to write something. There are still a few things I need to do before getting ready for the viewing. I also need to preheat the oven for pizza tonight. Thank you Fawn!

Looking back.

Wednesday morning's sunrise over the farm. The day began beautiful but gave away to rain. Rain can signify that the one who is ready to pass or who has passed are happy.

Smiling!

Josh was alone by his mom's side when she passed. It was very peaceful! His aunt was down the hall and JL had left to go to the grocery store. This is what she wanted. For 31 years its been just Josh and her and this is how she left this world. We called the priest and we prayed over her as we formed a complete hand held circle. As the phone chain started her house quickly filled with many many people whom she was close to and loved. They all wanted to be with her spirit and for each and every one of us who was already at the house. Her body was covered over in respect before the majority of the people came. The house was filled with love, warm hugs, and many tears.

My MIL dated a gentleman from the local funeral home for several years and he showed up to remove her from the house. It is very hard on him but he felt that he needed to do this for my MIL. They still remained close friends. JL, Josh, his uncle and I formed a human fence with our backs to the living room where she was. Out of respect the room was blocked from everyone who was either in the kitchen or in the sun room. We held hands and embraced one another. It was so hard to be strong when you hear their equipment and know exactly what is going on.

When her body was removed a comment was made that she left in class. That she did! She also left with a smile on her face. The corners of her mouth were pulled in and she was smiling! Josh said it was so nice to see her smile again. It had been exactly one week since we had seen that beautiful smile of hers. She was always smiling even though she may not have been smiling inside.

Today is going to be a tough day for Josh, JL and his two aunts as they make the final arrangements at the funeral home. JL's niece is getting married on Saturday and the family didn't want to put a damper on that wedding but he wanted things to get started. Viewing will start Saturday night and run all day on Sunday. Mass and burial will be on Monday.

This is hard but she is happy again and with out pain!

Heaven gained another Angel!

My MIL passed this evening a little after 5 pm. Much love to you Elaine!! We love you very much!

More and more difficult.

I go and see my MIL it seems like every other day and when I do get to see her there is such a dramatic change. She is so so skinny and that beautiful face of hers is fading. It is getting more and more difficult for her to breath and her pulse is very fast. As if she just got done running a 5k. When an individual is starting to pass, their body slowly shuts down but the heart beats harder and faster to try to jump start those other sluggish or ceased organs. Her tiny body shakes with each beat of her strong heart.

Hospice was in to see her yesterday. A nurse in the early afternoon and the boss of the establishment in the mid-afternoon. Both are very please with how nice everything is for my MIL. The house is kept dim and there is soft music playing in the back ground. The family limits the amount of people in the house so everything remains calm and quiet. The nurses felt it is the perfect environment for someone to feel at peace and leave this world. Again, the nurses feel that my MIL could have gone last night, today, or even tonight. She is still beating the odds and Josh and I feel that she is so damn stubborn. She still finds the need to prove people wrong even when she is in the process of leaving this world.

My MIL has proven me wrong several times with all of this. I try to analyze things with looking at the weather, looking at the numbers, or even how I feel when I am around her. Last night as I sat with her I was getting confused. Her breathing goes from regular but labored to very shallow and spaced out (stopping). I thought it was going to be last night then things would change and I would say to myself that this woman is fighting so much that she might have at least another day in her. I've looked at the dates. 22 is a nice even double number. Then 23 was even better because 2+3=6 plus the 3 from the month makes it 9 and the year is 09...99. Yesterday was such a beautiful day with clear sunny skies that followed a bright sunrise. It is supposed to rain coming up this week so I thought maybe she would go on a sunny day and the next day the rain would show that she is crying and happy. I know I'm strange with all of this but this is how my brain works. Goes about a mile a minute with all of this. Bouncing from topic to topic like a DVD that has been scratched and skips over parts of the movie.

Today is going to be another standby day. I do have to go to the bank and go to the Blind Association to take some more photos for my sale. Thank goodness for cell phones so if something happened I can still be contacted. We all continue to pray that God will chose today that he takes her into his kingdom.

Harder to breath...

Each day it is getting more and more difficult for my MIL to hang on. Hospice made two trips to her house yesterday to check on things. She really has them shocked. They didn't think that she was still going to be here. Here it is Tuesday and she is still beating the odds. Something she has done her whole entire life!

The 'wishes' are starting to surface now. Not so much with Josh but with me. They are sort of like the 'ifs', but the 'wishes' are things I would love to call her and tell her about. Last night was the beginning of the consignment sale here in Butler for anything and everything for children. Everything is very clean and gently used. I spent $68.00 and got 21 items. Lots of cute dresses for the peanut and cool man t's for Brycen. I just so wanted to call my MIL and tell her of the great deals I got for the kids. She would get excited about that and go to the sale when she had time and buy a few things that she liked for the kids. I tried to hold back my emotions but more of the 'wishes' started to surface. My MIL used to say some really annoying phrases that would drive me nuts and I would immitate her to my husband and we would have a chuckle. I told Josh that even though those phrases were annoying I wish I could hear them again. The inflection of her voice when she was excited and to hear just one more time how proud she was of me. She was one of my biggest supporters behind Josh. My MIL would often find the perfect time to remind me how good of a mom I am to my kids and how proud she is of me. With all of these particular 'wishes' coming out last night, the tears streamed down my face like someone turning on the facet. I couldn't get it to stop. These are just a few of the 'wishes' that I am starting to have and I am sure many many more are going to come.

I know someday I will be able to hear those annoying phrases, hear those kind words, feel those warm hugs, and see that gentle smile that just lit up her whole face. Until that day, I will always treasure what a wonderful woman I had as my MIL.